Rural Customs, the Reality of a Bygone Era

19-9-2018
My neighbor Umm Jamil told me...from the generation of the old days...that when a mother wanted to arrange a marriage for her son to a girl from the village...the mother would go, and the paternal aunt...and the bridegroom’s older sister—the gallant young man’s sister...to the bride’s family’s house...so that the mother and those with her would inspect... (they would examine the bride in appearance and speech) the bride..and they would enter after taking the "الدستور" – the permission – after clearing their throats...for in the old days there was no smartphone...to announce arrival...things were, in their view, “taba” (good)...and the bride would come after she prepared the tea – tea in the old days and even now in the countryside...sweetened with sugar...excessively...in short — qatir — for the guests..and they would begin to "يخرفن مع بعض" – talk together –.....and the proposing mother would invite the bride to sit beside her...so she could distract her from the bridegroom, her son...and the bride usually came...and accepted the invitation...and sat beside the boy’s mother – the bridegroom’s mother – ...and after they finished...this long visit...they would go to the house...and the boy — the bridegroom — would come and speak with his mother..“Hasn’t the group pleased you — the bride and her party” — and of course he means the girl...what does he care about his mother.....so she invites her son to sit beside her—“Sit down, my son..By God your mother brought you on the Night of Destiny.” — the bridegroom’s features would brighten — her son — then the mother continues. “By God, the girl has no huff (wickedness) on her” Then without speaking —— that is, a mouth without a tongue ——— meaning she does not speak and is shy —..“Okay, and then..the girl is dainty and murmuring, reserved and demure...— By God she is pretty. Then she puts a scarf on her head...not with a parting—mukammakama—!!! Then her family...may God reward all who do good like her family...they swore they would not rise...until after we have eaten our lunch...and made a separate tray for her afterward..— rice with milk —.“We invite you..to be with us...” The boy rejoiced....but his mother told him..“We told them to ask about the boy even though you know him...he used to chase [girls] in front of your house long ago....and life, what with fate and destiny. The internet ruined you as I understood...but her older brother is abroad; they want to consult him..and God willing she will be, my son, yours by fate...!” And our neighbor concluded her short talk and said to me..“My son, people used to be happy in the old days......connected with one another....and no one rebelled against the elder’s will...and the woman used to revere her husband. Never did a husband sleep while his wife was angry...!!..” I left her, grateful for her memory and her smile...as she spoke..that if time had not killed the spirit of purity and happiness..and contentment..and simplicity...that existed in the old days..she would remain attached to that past...and I told her life has changed, Umm Jamil....she replied to me and said..“They say it has changed, they say..life has blessings in these days....!!
Thus, with details and words that increase or decrease..according to the region...the geography....the initial suitability of the bride....What struck me..and reminded me of this story...was how the standards for measuring the beauty and the prospective housewife used to be...first she had to be then without a tongue...that is, not to speak...a metaphor for shyness and respect...and that she...would not interrupt...or interject into people’s speech..despite the naïveté of the idea now....the tongue must move to learn and to teach..yet it was a demand...a dignity and modesty...that the targeted bride’s voice must not be heard.!!!..And then there was no such thing as a woman whose hair was uncovered or parted — in the rural dialect —!! That is, according to people’s customs..they describe those who part their hair as strong and defiant..and no one can control them and then in customary practice of the old days whoever was crazy enough to take and keep a woman who parts her hair—this was a side remark in a subsidiary dialogue with Umm Jamil about the parting-of-hair-women-.!!
I wanted to change...our frowns and our anxiety and our fear...for one another and from one another......because before us...and within our hearing....there is nothing but news of the occupation and conspiracies and killing...and the fragmentation of the Arabs...and the division of their countries...and the occupation’s duplicity..and the continuation of Dahis and Ghabra in all their forms...and the slumber of the Arab League...!! Its files used to contain..the slogans “Jerusalem is ours..!” and “Arab unity..!!” Then..the files were closed and sealed with black wax....in the drawers of the permanent representatives of the Arab states..!!!!

So I wanted to change...the mood — Mood..— and to cheer up..with a smile — if it happens — that would prolong the duration of this post.....with respect...to the past...and to my neighbor..Umm Jamil..who represents the way of thinking of the old days.....which I believe...has changed..to some extent..but not as much as is required.....the era of today’s youth..in the age of globalization..!! By God, beyond intention..